Communicating

Similarities and Differences

      After Thanksgiving Dinner it was at the table for assessment. I chose my daughter who has known me all her life and is probably my best critic. She is 32 years old, married for 10 years with no children. The second person that completed the survey is a 34 year old electrical engineer with her master’s degree. She has been married for 1 year and has a 2 week old baby. Her passion is being a portrait photographer in her free time.

     The one thing that surprised me the most about the evaluations is that for communication anxiety there was a three way score of 30 between the two people I chose and myself. For listening there was a three way match between the two people that I chose placing me in group 1.  I was just amazed at how well they knew me. I have never given it much thought until this assessment just how much my profession calls for me to communicate on a daily basis. There is not a day that is the same and I never know from day to day what problems I will have to deal with.

     Other insights about communication that I gained this week came under verbal aggression. It was in this area of the assessment that my score was higher(69) than the two people who took the assessment(58 & 67). It appeared that I could be argumentative at times possible hurting the person who was listening. The first thought that came to my mind was In School Suspension. Daily I deal with youth who are sent to me with behavior issues. Although these youth are sent to me I do not want to hurt their feelings any more than they have been hurt. My employment requires me to be firm with the students but in being firm I want to be fair.

     The two people who assessed me did not receive the results that I did but rather scored that I maintained a good balance between respect and consideration for others view points and the ability to argue fairly by attacking the facts of a position rather than the person holding that position. Since our scores were so different it makes me wonder if I am being to verbally aggressive.

     Another insight that I gained was because I was assessed as being empathetic and concerned with the emotions of others I am able to build relationships. Where it may seem that I am being too stern with the youth I am still building positive relationships that keep the students coming back to me just to be a listening ear. Before the assessment I did not know exactly what was going on and why youth came to me on a regular basis to share their problems. Sometimes I actually think some of the students purposely get into trouble just to come and sit with me in ISS.

     The assessment brought out a lot of good points which I plan to implement into my field of work, with my family and families that I work with and my colleagues. What I view as really important is having the ability to be a good listener. If I can be a good listener than the youth I serve will have no problem communicating to me.

 

 

 

Communicating With Different Groups

     When asked if I communicate differently with people from different cultures and groups my answer is most definitely. I am reminded of an older mother in the church who is pretty much set in her old ways. She is over 80 very religious, old timey as they would say, set in her ways, unwilling to accept change and believes that if young people want to know about sex it should be taught by someone other than church people.

      Her motto is “Don’t Discuss the Bedroom at Church”. She is very serious about this to the point that she has verbally told everyone. There is no need to try to discuss this with her because she stands firm and solid that sex and church just don’t mix. I have to smile when I hear her make this statement because this is the problem with our youth today. Our youth oftentimes feel they have no one to turn to so they turn to the streets for answers.

     So many youth come to me and ask questions about sex. Many times they are not even sexually active but are curious. Being able to talk with them many times have kept them from going out and having sex before time. In the situation of the mother out of respect and her age I try to respect how she feels by not bringing up the sex topic.  I am very careful about what I say around her and I try to make sure that our youth are careful not to ask specific questions when we are having group discussions.

     At the age of 80+ mother is not changing although change is all around her. It is amazing how the best kept secret among the elderly (sex)  still got out. Unfortunately my mom never talked with me about sex and I never had anyone who I could talk to. When I had my children it was different they could talk to me about anything and they did talk to me about anything. Sometimes I would have to have to hold my composure in order not to let them know I cannot believe this “child is asking me this”.  

My Chief Presider

Bishop William Lee Bonner

      As a young girl growing up under Bishop Bonner I remember sitting in the congregation at a young age and being mesmerized as he spoke words of encouragement out of his mouth. To me he was my father figure, strong, full of excitement, determined, giving, caring and so much more. Although he was an older pastor he managed to keep my attention even at a very young age.

     Bishop Bonner always spoke positive; he made you feel like you could accomplish anything even if it were boy problems. I remember around the age of 16 years old my mom took me to see Bishop Bonner because I was having boy drama. I remember sitting in front of Bishop Bonner and he was so gentle and kind, soft spoken and concerned. The last words that Bishop Bonner told me before we left the office was daughter you haven’t done anything wrong and don’t worry about it. Saying that to me helped me to believe that I had done nothing wrong.    

     In 1972 when it was time for me to go away to college and my dad had not prepared for my education it was Bishop Bonner who put up the money to give me my first start towards my educational goals. Bishop Bonner presides over 600 churches worldwide, he is our leader, our presider, our father in the gospel, but most important to me is he took time while in North Carolina to stop my house to say Praise The Lord. For the rest of my life I will never forget seeing Bishop Bonner sitting in my chairs at my home. This week he turns 92 years old and still remains the same, down to earth, willing to help while having an open line of communication with anyone he meets.