When asked if I communicate differently with people from
different cultures and groups my answer is most definitely. I am reminded of an
older mother in the church who is pretty much set in her old ways. She is over 80
very religious, old timey as they would say, set in her ways, unwilling to
accept change and believes that if young people want to know about sex it
should be taught by someone other than church people.
Her motto is “Don’t
Discuss the Bedroom at Church”. She is very serious about this to the point
that she has verbally told everyone. There is no need to try to discuss this
with her because she stands firm and solid that sex and church just don’t mix.
I have to smile when I hear her make this statement because this is the problem
with our youth today. Our youth oftentimes feel they have no one to turn to so they
turn to the streets for answers.
So many youth
come to me and ask questions about sex. Many times they are not even sexually
active but are curious. Being able to talk with them many times have kept them
from going out and having sex before time. In the situation of the mother out
of respect and her age I try to respect how she feels by not bringing up the
sex topic. I am very careful about what
I say around her and I try to make sure that our youth are careful not to ask specific
questions when we are having group discussions.
At the age of 80+
mother is not changing although change is all around her. It is amazing how the
best kept secret among the elderly (sex) still got out. Unfortunately my
mom never talked with me about sex and I never had anyone who I could talk to.
When I had my children it was different they could talk to me about anything and they
did talk to me about anything. Sometimes I would have to have to hold my composure in
order not to let them know I cannot believe this “child is asking me this”.
Hello Rosemary. A thought. I understand that older folks want to keep sexuality away from church stuff but I find the two are expertly linked. In Catholicism we have a teaching called Theology of the Body and it is all about God's plan for sex and marriage. This comes from a collection of radio addresses given in the late seventies and 80's by Pope John Paul II. (Pretty much the coolest guy ever ;)the teachings are not just for single or married people but for all humans. I think the teachings are universal and it would be looking at if people seek your counsel on the topic.
ReplyDeleteCommunicating about tough topics with teens can be a challenge, there is so much balance. I find its hard because I want to both treat them like adults but I still want to shield from from harsh realities.
Hi Rosemary
ReplyDeleteYes I do understand that older people feel that somethings are not to be spoken in public, but that is how they grew up. I think that church is somewhere young people should go to talk about things that are on their minds, but they should have a meeting time to do it, not around the older people. The story about the mother in the church is cute, and reminds me how different we are from them.
Communicating is different from years back.
Rosemary,
ReplyDeleteYou bring up a great point with your post. We have to show respect towards those too who have a different view or belief about certain things. As you said, you are respectful in not mentioning the topic around her as she has already stated she does not believe the topic and church coincide. It may not be that all elders feel this way, but she does and it is mindful that you respect her enough to not to discuss it around her. Great post!
This was an interesting post with many good responses. Koni-I have never heard about any of these teachings by Pope John Paul II, but it sounds like a good resource for those seeking information regarding this topic. I think what is hard when dealing with the elderly population on this issue is that things are so much different now than they used to be. Kids are exposed to so many more things and have so many questions, a lot of times based on what they see in television shows. This post also makes me think about my own grandma and how, even though she is a little bit "old-school", she is still very flexible in her views. A lot of her grandchilden, myself included, have lived with their significant other out of wedlock and when my cousin got pregnant from one of her friends her response was,"Well, I guess you were more than just friends. At least once anyways." It made us laugh and my cousin was embarrased, but then felt good knowing my grandparents accepted her situation.
ReplyDeleteHi Rosemary,
ReplyDeleteI find myself thinking of my father as I read your post. My dad is 75 years old and very much set in his ways, as well. We have actually had some great conversations as I've gotten older, regarding our differences in our opinions and the way society has, is and will be changing in the future.
Hi Rosemary, you are an amazing person! Thank goodness you are there for the youth of your congregation! And that you can simply smile when "mother" states her views against the topic of sex in church. I can relate to Koni's post in that church is an ideal place in which to discuss healthy sexual relations. So of the best sex education I ever received was in church, because it went way beyond the physical aspects of sex and included the emotional and spiritual aspects of sex as well. You've presented an interesting angle here in how separate generations of people communicate differently
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